tl;dr for my last week’s worth of posts: I started a series of notes to myself, finished the compliment challenge, started working out with a trainer, hit 300lb on my first squats in forever, realized I am in love (with an irl friend — don’t get excited, online fam), possibly got a really good job,…
Category: Seth’s Journal
Getting to the Root of A Heart Full of Fear
CW: child abuse, physical abuse Holy cows! Imagine being totally exhausted, but without a low mood! That’s me, right now! I’m more than satisfied with my work ethic, lately, because I’m no longer unsure of whether not I’m doing things right. Everything is on even keel, velocity made good. Except there’s this one thing… Also,…
Results of the Compliment Challenge
I can live for two months on a compliment. -Mark Twain In a previous post, I talked about how I lamented over not being able to pay a person a compliment and how, from there, I realized I don’t really pay compliments to anyone I have a high regard for due to issues of trust and…
I Remember that Guy!
Just pics of what I looked like before my grandmother got a hold of me. Already doing things to get back to this guy. I also still have his shorts. I hate that these are pretty much all I got from those days, and every time I gawk look at them, it makes me want to go…
Thank You, Mom
Dear Mom, I remember us going to Lake Powell, and spending at least an hour standing beside each other just looking out into the vast openness of the reservoir, occasionally spying Kenny Rogers’ helicopter as it took off or landed atop his yacht. And how Chris bet a hundred dollar bill that I couldn’t hoist…
Self Care and Dopamine Farming
I must apologize to myself for not writing anything, the past few days, aside from my about page. Since this is journal is about recovery, I wanted to document why. I’m presently of low mood, and I’m exhausted despite sleeping seven hours and staying in bed for an extra hour. My list of things that…
Oh, Perfectionism
Yesterday wasn’t the greatest day in the world, but in a way, it wasn’t bad. I’ve been fighting the desire to beat up on myself, since my job opportunity fell through due to tremendously bad timing (hiring manager — not my friend — saw a name they were familiar with and selected them immediately, and…
Inspiration Gone Viral
If we all lived in a reciprocal way, the flow of abundance would begin to cut through the systems and structures that keep us down. – Aisha Frost, You Are the Medicine I’m a little taken aback by how many people have said my current journey has been so inspirational to them. To them. Me, up here…
An Archer Named Inadequacy
The other night (I say night, but it was probably around 3am), I got into bed and grabbed my phone to check social media and start Season 2 of an audio drama called Case 63 before I went to sleep. Except I saw an exchange between friends of mine on social media that was both really cool,…
No Sleep Til…
Fun fact: withdrawing from benzodiazepines causes insomnia. Wouldn’t recommend. You’re welcome. Ever since I stopped partaking of things that make me hot and undignified, I’ve been unable to sleep consecutive hours. I’m very pleased that my brain decided to bypass the “depressive mania” stage that I’ve heard horror stories about. Even my anxiety seems to…