It really enjoyed seeing a certain individual’s stream today. Won’t say names because I don’t want my stuff to show up in their algorithm. That’d be awkward. Fearing I’d be in the doghouse, I prepared to get a verbal reprimand for acting a fool on social media the other day. I even thought about not showing up,…
Category: Seth’s Journal
Day Eight: If Nothing Changes
First, I’m okay. But I’m also super heated, right now, and I really need to write it down. Figured I’d do it here since it’s an area of struggle, and that’s what this recovery blog is about. Anyway, to completely overexplain everything: I have a job. It’s a tiny one. It’s not Uber (I do…
Day Seven: One Week in the Books
As I come out of the fog of this eight-year relapse, I’m starting to remember the first time I acquired and maintained successful clean time. The first time I walked into a 12 step meeting was in 2014. I knew I needed help, but didn’t really know how to ask. I called a relative who…
Doing The Best I Can: Relinquishing Shame in Early Recovery
The more I open up about my condition, the less shame I feel about it. I don’t feel as much like something is wrong with me, I just made some horrid decisions when it came to coping with an extremely difficult time in my adult life. Unfortunately, those decisions lead to a potentially fatal addiction….
Day Five: Reflecting on Yesterday’s Events
I’m still waiting for a call from home office about my old retail job (the one where I have 2 national awards for my customer service skills — I know, right?). I’ve no doubt I’ll get back on with the company, but the wait leaves a lot to be desired. Yesterday afternoon, I was feeling…
Day Three: Guilt and Shame in Early Recovery
My mind is slowing down. Or it’s opening up, or both, not sure which. I’ve had room to think about things, but not without the anxiety, guilt, and shame that have stopped cycling and are now happening at the same time. Guilt and shame aren’t the same thing, mind you, as the former is about…
Day One
I woke up around 10:30am this morning in a fog. As soon as I sat up, I lost control of my stomach, which purged itself of its mostly liquid contents. I tried to stand to get a towel, but a wave of vertigo forced me onto the floor and dry heaving. In between bouts of…