Anyone who plays MMOs knows that there’s a ton of commitment and dedication needed to get to certain achievements. Discipline gives ground for such to happen. In Elder Scrolls Online, for example, one of my proudest achievements is getting Emperor in Cyrodiil, the open world PVP area — not once, but three times on three different accounts, because I’m hopelessly in love with this game, even though at this time I’m totally burned out with it. I’ve played since launch, more than 15,000 hours across 15 accounts (I thought we needed 15 to have our own private guild bank, turns out we only need 10.)
The best thing about emperorship is that your main goal isn’t to be outstanding, it’s to be able to have the most AP during the campaign when your faction claims the six inner circle keeps. You can literally die over and over, but if you’re in the right place at the right time consistently to earn the AP, and your faction gains ownership of all six of the inner circle keeps, you’ll get it. I did this three times, twice in the big campaign, and once in the week-long one. One of those was a team effort in which I actually had a horde of folks on my own faction working against me because I was new and they felt I didn’t deserve the crown. It literally took three full teams of 24 to take the entire map overnight with at least a dozen spies watching and helping. That was the most nailbiting experience I’d ever had in my gaming history, and I’ve been gaming since I was four.
TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK
In terms of discipline in a MMO, a lot of our best achievements require acute teamwork, which is a whole ‘nother level of dedication, commitment, and discipline. In ESO again, dungeons require four people (some achievements can be done with three people if they’re decent) to get the highly acclaimed trifectas: no death, speed run, hard mode — all in one go. I’m proud to say I have most of these done — and with the same team of people. Always Kattatonia and Kris, and the third person is a well-known friend from the game.
Take this trifecta from Moonhunter Keep (on my birthday in 2023, even!), in which I, Katt, Kris (Quadraxis), and Xim(theBard) nailed it on the fourth try — organically. None of us had gotten it before. This was our first time getting the achievement.
Castle Thorn was a similar case, with DarkLadyJupiter in where Xim was. This took us several tries and a ton of mistakes, including this gem from me in one of our earlier attempts. But we did finally get all of our shit together, including the magic of RNG not cursing us with the infamous invisible circle bug, and we got it done. For me, it was learning when not to stampede in, or when to roll dodge out of harm’s way in a smaller-than-it-looks moving safety circle when Lady Thorn decides to divebomb us. Which, honestly, all of us have to do that. When we gelled, we became a trifecta mill for those still learning how to nail it all down.
IRL DISCIPLINE
In the real world, discipline hardly comes with bragging rights. You wake up, you do your routine, you show up even when you don’t want to. You grind out your daily tasks and come home like clockwork. If you’re lucky enough to have a job you love, this usually comes with fun and a smile or three. Your post-work gym time might come with a grimace, but you’ve been consistent, and you are disciplined, so things show results after awhile. But unless you’re dedicated to becoming the best of the best in your field or hobby, trophies and accolades aren’t in the plan. The only respect you’re getting is that sign of self satisfaction when you feel good that the day is done and you get to wind down with a game or tv show or end of day chat with a loved one before taking yourself to bed. But you’re doing the work, and that’s what matters.
MISCONCEPTIONS
There’s a lot of misconceptions of discipline, whether someone bored it into your head or you read about it somewhere. Discipline isn’t cracking a whip or punishment. It’s a practiced condition of doing what works. A lot like consistency, which is showing up to do the work, discipline is actually doing it. Nobody’s going to punish you for not meeting your own standards. You won’t be ridiculed for missing a step in your process. It’s all about you and getting from where you are now to being on the other side of what needs to be done.
TOOLS OF THE TRADE
What do you need to be disciplined? You need a reason. A goal. Purpose is advanced, but if you know what you love and can’t stop talking about, then you already have a purpose. Let me segue here and say purpose isn’t people unless you’re married to them and they need the sounding board / signal boost. Example: don’t get me started talking about Samantha Béart. I will go on for days about their career and their podcast, It Takes A Village. They are one of my most favorite people on the planet, and inspired me to try to sober up in April 2024, and eventually leave the oppressive environment I was in behind in August of that same year. If not for them, I’d not have fallen in love with the concept of the radical self, nor would I be 24/7 commiting to it writing about it all. But Sam isn’t my purpose, they’re just someone who said something in a podcast that lit a fire under my ass when I needed it the most. My purpose is my passion: exploring the concept of the radical self and sharing what I learn and how it works for me.
If you have a goal, though, you’re golden. You need to make a plan after that, so you know what you’re going to do in order to get from here to the goal. You might be able to find all you need online. You may need a support system. For me, I have several avenues in which I have separate support systems:
- I have a trauma-informed recovery coach, a psychiatrist, an LGBT group and a bipolar group that I meet with on a schedule for my complex ptsd and my adhd/bipolar issues (because apparently adhd is something that needs to be taken as seriously as my bipolar issues). I am active in three message boards online that talk about this stuff, and am also starting to extend my mutuals on social media to people who are dealing with the same issues. I’m also taking a mood stabilizer and, in case of emergency, a killswitch medication that knocks my ass out if I can’t control my emotions enough (it’s trazodone, y’all, sometimes I become so distraught that I can’t handle things, and I have to force myself to just sleep it off).
- I have a personal trainer…technically two, but one is someone I meet with three times a week at my gym when I go. Lucky for me, both are free from the gym, but one is really interested in me getting to my goal. It could be because they, too, have complex ptsd, and we end up working out and talking about how things are going between sets. He’s also seen my 410lb deadlift. Will share more on that in a minute.
- I’m writing for a video game that would get more attention from me, but I’ve had some massive roadblocks thanks to the recent rediagnosis of bipolar…but I can say it’s on my roster of work. I can also say that I have a whole team of 20+ people (I think we’re at 25 now?) to go to if anything happens. It’s such a rush to say I’m writing narrative for a game, but it’s even sweeter to know I have some serious professionals with major Triple A titles under their belts to go to if I need help or have questions. This is the dream, y’all.
PERSONAL DISCIPLINE
So in regards to my workouts, speaking of discipline, when I was at my best the first time, I had several things happen:
– I went from 345lb to 168lb (a total of 177lb lost over the course of four years)
– Physically, I went from 55% bodyfat to 14%. I had bowling ball shoulders, a visible four pack abs, and just looked like a presence.
– I started out squatting 165lb, but after four years of intense training, I was squatting my body weight, which was my stated goal the first day I tried them out. I’d never done squats, and they just made my whole body feel good to do. I hit 345lb squats on the same day I saw 168lb on the scales.
– I was medicated: strattera for adhd, depakote for bipolar, and trazodone as my killswitch. Just like I restarted recently.
– I maintained a rigid routine and schedule, and I never wavered.
– I kept very few friends, but had a ton of friendos (people who are absolutely friend material, but we haven’t actually met).
– I was a prolific writer, just like now, and I was actively being published in several newsletters and quarterlies under my old name.
– I had a social life that usually revolved around music and movie outings.
None of it looked like this on day one. This was the culmination of about four years of practicing a discipline that focused on a goal: be mentally healthy, be a writer, look my best, hit some crazy goals, enjoy my life. That was built between 2007-2011. And I did this all while in therapy for cptsd (back when it was just ptsd since complex wasn’t a thing back then), and also navigating bipolar disorder and adhd. My current mantra is “If I could do it then, I can do it now.”
DISCIPLINE AFTER TRAUMA AND CHRONIC ILLNESS
If either fits you, dudes/dudettes/dudetheys: I am so sorry. I have both, it sucks. Trauma has its own sets of triggers and avoidances. Chronic illness hits you when you least expect it, even when you’re doing everything right. Heck, both can show up when you’re doing all you can to make sure they don’t give you grief. At this point, it’s a decision: you can keep practicing at discipline, or phone it in and make it to end of day. Neither is a horrible decision, all things considered. Big but: do what you can anyway. I have moments where something comes up in memory from years ago, and it causes a cascade of fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, and I inadvertently project those emotions onto others in my circles and spheres. I don’t always realize that when it happens, either. I make a point to apologize only where necessary and practice active forgiveness toward myself. Active forgiveness is the act of dismissing what you are doing that is causing you problems. Not because you do not want to deal with it, but because you do not deserve the punishment you want to dole on yourself for having a problematic day.
In other words, as my coach puts it, you are not a rhinoceros. Adding more shit to the pile the shit you’re already trying to manage is not going to make you a better person. Recognize your shit, sort it out, and don’t add to it by being an asshole to yourself.
CONCLUSION
Discipline is absolutely necessary for you to get to your goals. Consistency is showing up, discipline is following through. Whether you’re chasing Emperor in Cyrodiil, aiming for that bodyweight squat, or literally just trying to survive the daily grind while managing trauma and chronic illness, discipline remains the same. Do what you can do, and do the best you can to get to those goals, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. This is discipline.