I’ve noticed an unfortunate trend in the social networking statusphere, lately, and I felt compelled to talk about it at length. The topic, which is a general disdain for “fake” people, has confused me a bit, as there are so many ironies in what I am seeing posted.
My mind, upon hearing the phrase “fake people,” immediately imagines a cut-out human chain; you know, when you fold paper up like an accordion, and you cut out a rudimentary silhouette of a human figure, and then it unfolds as a chain of people holding hands? Which, by my understanding of “fake people,” I’m not too far off, with all the happy-joy hand-holding, probably smiling and carrying on like the characters in Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun. It’s as if their happiness alone makes them fake. Their happiness, or their decision to mask whatever torments or tarnishes their image, is fake in and of itself. They create more suffering for themselves by not simply accepting life on life’s terms and, as I put it, “having fun with it” (because I despise the term “roll with it” — it’s too cliche).
And the real people turn and talk about how they can’t stand fake people, and how they really tick us off, or how annoying they can be by how they act. And if we do not watch ourselves, we will fall into a habit of picking apart everything they do. Which, actually, we do that about anyone or group or whatever that we disagree with or make us uncomfortable. I would call this human nature, but I believe it is something we get comfortable doing — so comfortable, in fact, that we don’t even realize how hurtful we are being.
The problem with this trend of complaining about how “fake” people are being, is that there is an equal trend (by the same people, often) that encourages others to put on that fake smile until everything gets better. You know, better to act as if everything is okay. OR (my personal favorite — yes, that is sarcasm) they will post quotes that equivocate themselves to someone who may look okay on the outside, but everything is falling apart on the inside. Which draws a confusing picture for me. Essentially, it tells me that it is okay for one person to be that way, but they don’t like when other people do it. So they’re wearing their fake smiles to hide the torment and tarnishing aspects of their lives, even as they judge others for doing the same thing, and while they hide and judge, they get equally judgmental toward people who don’t/refuse to/ can’t see them for who they really are.
I think one of the reasons this as bothered me so much is that I’m guilty of the same thought cycle. And it’s a very unhealthy pattern of thought to get into. I’m not one to get annoyed for someone’s attempts to smile through the pain, but I am annoyed at how people easily get so absorbed in themselves as they look to the world that they forget to just live their lives in relations to themselves and to God (if they believe in God). Because, as I have learned and witnessed first hand (in my life and in the lives of others), there is not one person on this planet who is absolutely responsible for anybody else’s capacity to thrive in any circumstance. And we, so very often, put our success in direct relation to how we think we are perceived by others. If I could have a dollar for every time my day went downhill just because I thought someone was thinking negatively about me, I’d be so rich that I probably wouldn’t care what people think, anymore. Yet, here I am, talking about seeing exactly this thing scrolling endlessly on Facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, in YouTube videos, on message boards, etc.
If only people would lose their dependence on opinions. By that, I mean people should stop constantly seeking the opinions of others, being easily swayed by opinions, and being quick to give their own. Opinions can be positive (approval) or negative (criticism), and one who is easily swayed merely displays their lack of a solid foundation on which they build their life. Or they’ve spent so long trying to be accepted by everyone else, that they’ve forgotten they even have a foundation in the first place!
How about one day, just one day, we set aside a day for ourselves, where we have nothing to prove? And we do something for ourselves, where we go out and do the things we enjoy. And we don’t do things because the majority expresses an opinion in favor of it, nor because everyone else is doing it and we feel obligated to do it, too; rather, because we derive authentic happiness from it. I challenge anyone that reads this to give it a shot for just one day.