My fever was gone all day! I’ve never been so happy in my life over something so seemingly insignificant! Even my back pain from coughing so much is fading. I’ll continue with the post-ick detox (basically a BRAT diet with potatoes and jello) tomorrow, and hopefully I’ll be able to get started with things on Monday. Since it seems like every time I vocalize plans, they get derailed in the most dramatic way possible, I’m not going to talk about them, I’m just going to talk about them as I go.
I called my trainer and told him I resigned at the gym, and he insisted that I submit my resume “just in case.” Apparently when they need someone, they’ll interview and hire on the spot. It’s a great gym, and I’ve been going there on and off since 2018, mostly at night to avoid certain people. If they know me, and I’m a regular with a known good attitude and knowledge of the different machines…perhaps…that’d be a pipe dream, but I’d love to rep a place like that for more than just to say “I work out there.”
In other news, I believe it’s been a month since my last tobacco cigarette, and three weeks since my vape ran out…so three weeks nicotine free? I was lucky again, I’d been fighting it for awhile, and finally got to a point where I just didn’t want it at all. I’m not even craving it, and being sick solidified that lack of craving. I’m very stoked. Nicotine is a hell of a thing to quit.
Come to think of it, I’ve pretty much cut out sodas, too, except for a daily 20 oz of mountain dew every day while being sick, because it made my throat feel better, plus the sugar really seemed to help somehow, too. I don’t really like sugary things like that. But I’ve once again just not been interested in them. And I used to easily drink 4L a day. It was mostly diet, so that’s a ton of sodium and artificial sweetener that I just dropped.
So if this is the case, that means that since April 22, I’ve cut out alcohol, nicotine, sodas, and there was a fourth item that I used to binge…oh video games. But gaming in general — I didn’t quit, I just started playing them an hour or two a day instead of literally all day long.
I find it funny how my brain is so trained to point at all the things it thinks I need to worry about (people, relationships, looking bad or how bad I think I look to others) when the truth is these aren’t actual fears, they’re things I’ve been conditioned to see and judge myself for. Working with my Shadow has been very revealing in that department. With what happened the other day, I was filled with this mostly paralyzing fear of being seen, found out, etc. But I’ve been making a habit of laying all of my faults out there. So, in effect, there was no reason at all to have reacted like that unless it was a trained reaction. It took some time to get under control (even possibly having to get sick to do so). I didn’t hurt anybody. Hopefully the realization that my reaction was not a necessary one will benefit me, should that happen again in the future.
There’s an allegory that may or may not have been said by Einstein: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. The question I have for you at this point of our journey together is, “What is your genius?” Well if mine’s not relationships (says who? inexperience doesn’t necessarily mean inability), I’m certainly good at making peoples’ day, or at least bringing comfort or lightning the load a bit.
It feels good to be positive on here again. If I could ask the readers: should I put my old posts back up?