So I was talking about how I repurposed an old insta to play with, right? Well they permabanned it, citing me for violating account integrity. In my defense:
- The previous name for the account was relating to both Admo and photography
- The email they sent to me telling me that I violated account integrity was addressed to admo@admopk.com (my account at insta was admopk
- Their reason for integrity violation was “using a false name.” No shit, instagram, I am a gamer who uses my gamer tag.
This has greatly disrupted my ability/preference/comfort in regards to being uniform across the board, and I’m really not comfortable with it. At all. The whole thing makes me anxious, and a little sick to my stomach. Which, truthfully, that could be because I didn’t have control over it. If I didn’t give the original admopk up on insta, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.
Not to mention, the only reason I made the insta was to get away from the overwhelming losses I’ve been dealing with on the home front. I could write all day, but not when feeling so pensive. And bsky is kinda like twit in that it’s mostly dodging politics while hoping your mutuals aren’t just talking about that. I love photography (games or otherwise), and the general vibe is so much more positive. Plus, all the cool people are over there. Not all, but most. Most of my irl friends are on Instagram.
Instead of fretting over it too much, I’m going to use it as an opportunity to look more closely at my personal brand. The goal isn’t to eliminate Admo, but to make Admo less “front facing” and hand it all off to Dovey, which is my first initial (W).
It basically puts me in front and not my gamer tag, since something about Admo seems to prevent me from being myself, and I don’t quite know why. Might be something as simple as all of the history associated with it. Maybe there’s a layer of uncertainty and instability that stems from years ago that I’ve not yet shaken subconsciously.
I just…it feels like when I step into the mold that is Admo, I also step into a space where I feel needy and fearful. I often feel like I want to hide or run away. It’s as if I am stepping to what I think others perceive me as.
In the case of Dovey, Which is an old moniker, older than Bink and Ren even, I feel more me, more assured of myself. Like I have permission to be the strong, resilient, forward-facing person that I am. I also don’t feel like I have to be so damned macho. I’ve tested this in places, and I feel like I am correct. As of right now, none of my connections at any level are having strain, and I feel like Dovey around them, regardless what name they know me as.
I’ve already secured my name across all social media platforms, and will be making a point to build it over time (since I don’t use most social media anyway). I think that once I let go of Admo as the perception of me and allow myself to fully step into myself as Dovey, I will be a lot happier.