This month was shit. For future reference, any of the four of you who read this blog, don’t talk to me about someone ignoring or not wanting to talk to me — just don’t. It’s a trauma trigger. I do not have the proper tools to mitigate it. I’m sure I lost a day or two of my life just stressing out all month.
Anyway, the news:
Tommie is home!!!
I got Tommie home. I think she is the answer to everything. My blood pressure is down (I can feel it), I don’t feel lonely anymore. My eyesight in the eye that was damn-near blind is almost back to normal (high stress/blood pressure?). I’m actually calm. After that, I played a single video game for two hours as she judged me from the ottoman under my desk.
I had dinner with my cat last night who ate little chicken pieces that I gave her from my plate, and then I gave myself a manicure, and then we slept seven straight hours and woke up feeling rested. Or I did. But I didn’t hear her move much. I even woke up with enough time to get coffee that I can actually enjoy while writing this blog post.
I can’t speak words to how blessed I feel. And the best part? I’M NOT LONELY ANYMORE! I feel bad that my trauma makes me cling like no other, and equally bad that I don’t really have anyone to be that way with (not to mention, I’m not a child, nobody wants me doing that). I won’t apologize for it, but I’ll apologize for how insecure I am with it. I’m working on that. But even with a therapist, being alone at home with my thoughts is maddening. Add a cat, and all of it basically went away.
Anyway, yes, I cried today. When I got Tommie, when I picked out her litter box and stuff, and when I felt the relief of loneliness lift from my body and stop squeezing so hard around my chest.
I just realized I have time to actually cook breakfast! <3