As of right this minute, I am completely caught up on all bills and payments. I also have the ability to maintain said bills and payments, so long as I continue my forward progression. In a week, I will be moving into my own place, again. It’s still a safe and secure location that comes with the same accountability and responsibility as this shelter, but it will be my own place. The main difference is that it’s quiet, and I will have the solitude that I’ve been so deeply craving. I am proud of myself.
137 days ago, I stumbled into an NA meeting with the intent of getting help for my addictions, and soon after, therapy for my cptsd and anxiety. I had no idea, then, that I’d relapse again. I also had no idea that I would have the fortitude to actually leave the toxic environment and people that was keeping me in the mentality of not healing. I’ve grown so much since I left. I’ve got so much growing to do. But I am actively growing.
My creativity is starting to come back, and would be a lot more vibrant, except for this dumb cold. It’s all congestion, dizziness, and loss of taste and smell, and it’s annoying as ever. Prior experience tells me that this will last another couple of days, and I should be over it by Monday, when I pick up my 1 month chip (no fronts, y’all).
I am becoming fully self-supporting and self-sufficient, which has been a dream of mine, but the major factor in all of this is that I have not done this alone. I might feel alone, sometimes, but I’m not. I’m doing the work. I am okay. I have left the oppressive environment. I have found my people. I have a great therapist, I have the best sponsor, I have some of the most amazing and chaotic and supportive friends, and most of all, I have myself again. Without my new friends and associations, and without the new place from which I can grow without fear, none of this would be happening. I am truly grateful. For all of it.
To think that all this started because I heard a suggestion in a podcast in which the speaker considered it to sound glib. It’s carried me at times, and there ain’t nothing glib about that.
Anyway, this cold is kicking my ass, but I’m a beast, I can handle it. I have to go to work, now. I gotta keep being the self-sufficient bad-ass that I’m becoming.
Fight the good fight, folks! 🔆🙌💛💪