I actually have a lot more going on than I’ve really talked about on here. One thing has really hit me in the failure department, and I have to sort through that. I think the decision and direction I decide to go with it will be more beneficial than detrimental in the long run. I won’t lose anything, but I could gain valuable time that I’ve lost worrying about not meeting self-imposed standards that tell me that I am not enough — in that department, at least. It’s incredibly difficult to feel authentic when everything around you, despite all you do, is a constant reminder that you have almost zero chance of living your authentic self according to that thing. So to remove that thing, in this case, would remove those self-imposed standards. I think once I come to terms with this, I will have a lot more energy to spend on things that are immediately within my control.
The reason I’m sharing this here is because if my writing is subpar in the next couple of weeks (I expect myself to be quick in coming to terms with this decision), it’s because this is a giant anvil in my brain. That, and sometimes just articulating “hey, I have this thing…” helps me regain my focus.
On the docket for immediate future posts:
- A Western Deep demo review
- The roots of limerence and a little more about what my coach and I are discussing (and why she’s using limerence to reframe my understanding of relationships)
- The next installment of my start-to-finish WIP
- Imposter Syndrome (and potentially how it relates to the thing that has me preoccupied lately, should I choose to divulge publicly)
- A game called Absolum and news about the series!
Anyway, I need to get some rest. On a slightly unrelated note, I accidentally doubled up on my gummies the other day, and I’ve felt dry as a raisin and slightly off-kilter ever since. I don’t use them that often anyway (only when I’m home for the night and am feeling mildly anxious), so two was way too much for me. How did I accidentally do this? Well…I ate a piece before jumping into voice chat, then I had to use the restroom, and saw that I left the package out. I thought “oh hey I forgot to eat a piece of my gummies,” because I typically don’t leave things out, and ate one, and then realized about an hour later that I was fading out. My friends in voice chat did say I was very entertaining, and so at least it was for someone’s benefit, haha…