It really enjoyed seeing a certain individual’s stream today. Won’t say names because I don’t want my stuff to show up in their algorithm. That’d be awkward. Fearing I’d be in the doghouse, I prepared to get a verbal reprimand for acting a fool on social media the other day. I even thought about not showing up, but I’m glad I did. I was ready to apologize again and everything. My fears were not at all the case. There was even a moment that I almost paid a huge compliment to them, but I hesitated, and then watered it down because I’m an idiot.
That moment set the tone for the rest of the night, as far as my mind’s energy goes. “Why didn’t I just say it? I compliment everyone else…” Oh, dear brain, no I do not.
While doing gig work tonight, I made a mental list of the last ten or so people that I complimented. Upon realizing that I spoke highly toward people I didn’t know all the time, I adjusted the parameters to sincere compliments I’ve given to people with whom I have shared at least two sentences worth of a conversation more than one time. That narrowed the field greatly.
The results were interesting. With the exception of my best friend, the better I know someone, the less I compliment them. Not better, but maybe the higher value I place on a person, the less inclined I am to compliment them. The less I know them, the more I am inclined to say something nice. and the less thought I put into it.
But why? Why is it easier for me to say something nice to someone I barely know, and not to someone I actually like? Unfortunately, that was an easier answer than I wanted. Seems like the bell curve of how compliments are given is directly related to those I wish I could trust. Trust as in feel okay being completely me around. Oh. Oh, that’s a big one, Admo.
So I’ve challenged myself: for the next two weeks, I will say those things I withhold out of fear to those who fit in that category. I’m going to note every time I do, as well as their reaction (if any). I’ll report my findings upon completion of the challenge. My inner Virgo moon is going to have a hay day with this one!
And just for my own notes re: the compliment I withheld: I thought I observed a hint of self-deprecation on the other’s part, and wanted to jump on it and say ‘I think you’re cool as hell, and it makes my day when you stream!’ But I ended up saying something nice about the game instead (was a beautiful game, btw, hope it gets revisited in future streams).
On a side note, today is day 9 (technically 10, now). I stopped counting in the title because I feel like I’m counting jail time or something.
