Just wanted to make it known I am considering it seriously. I can’t reset my stuff (thought processes, the way I’m talking to myself, etc) the way the PHP classes are designed to help with, and my thoughts still aren’t stopping as easily when I’m under duress and trying to get off it. Sure, Trazodone helps me shut down when things are too fast, but it’s a killswitch, and I wake up back to what I was dealing with.
I don’t know exactly where this started. I mean recently. I was fine in the shelter, there was a fan that fucked me up with the abandonment stuff, but I stopped drinking in April 2025 after relapsing in November 2024. I was having blackouts anyway, proving there was more than just alcohol going on. Got the bipolar dx put back on me…got on depakote…still blackouts, thinking about permanent solutions way too much, went to php…still not able to shake anything or get routines established because my mind won’t shut the fuck up.
But my blood pressure is normal! *sobs*
And as exhausted as I am, I’m already snapping at people. I’m already having trouble with my irritability. So I want to make sure that I don’t catch myself at an even lower moment and do something stupid. I can feel myself. I need to be around people. So I’m going to ask about IP tomorrow, and if I stay, I guess I’ll check in when I get home…I assume 3 days, maybe 5. I don’t think any more than that, though. I just need to reset everything.
I’ll be okay.
